It feels like the right time to talk about self doubt. I'm a firm believer that recognizing emotions/fears takes some of the power out of them. So I'd like to talk about my fears about competing in my first 70.3 now and not allow them to creep their way into my thinking again. Acknowledge them and let them go.
The first thing I find myself worrying about is not finishing. It would be so disappointing to have gone through this journey and not complete it. Also, as much as I don't want to admit it, I'd feel embarrassed. I've made this process very public and I would feel embarrassed with having to explain why I DNF.
I'm also afraid of hurting. Now I know that no one completes a half Ironman without at least a little discomfort but I'm worried I'm going to start hurting early on and it not stop until I'm finished. And, I'm scared of how bad I'm going to hurt the days after the event and worry about if I end up injuring myself.
I have other little fears/worries that come in and out of my consciousness like, I've never really felt comfortable in my wetsuit, what if I get a cramp while swimming, what if I get a flat tire (I'm the slowest at changing tires!), what if I bonk or don't get enough nutrition in me, what if I have water belly on the run.
All of these thoughts have some merit. It's not impossible that one or all may happen during race day. But I know that thinking about them and worrying about the potential for disappointment, embarrassment or physical pain is not what's going to get me to that finish line. I absolutely love the quote at the top of this page. It's so incredibly true. I have to believe that I will overcome whatever obstacles come my way, stay calm, and try to enjoy the day. I will have worked 16 weeks to get to race day and it seems like a poor way to repay myself by being overcome with self doubt.
So that's it. I've put it out there! I'm not going to allow myself to worry about the above thoughts. Of course they will still come into my awareness but I will acknowledge them like a car driving by, I see them and then I don't. Instead I am going to focus on how excited I am to compete at this level, to see how my mind and body step up to this challenge and just enjoy the remaining 4 weeks plus race day.